Crumbs of thoughts.

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Made. Abandoned at the ferry stop Buiksloterweg (From behind Central Station West exit) , Amsterdam.
November 2014.

For Maureen , with love!
I miss you!

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6 thoughts on “Crumbs of thoughts.

  1. 05.07.15

    20 :27
    It may be my fault. But I think we’re not working together. Look at what we did the last six months together Lucian ? We have to be realistic. We saw each other 4 times, which is less than 1 time per month. I tried to kill myself, you ended at the hospital. You have no home, no job, no ID. I tried to help you (NOT BECAUSE OF SOME PITY BUT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU), it didn’t work. We suck together. We simply suck. We’re far from each other. I think that I don’t know what I want, and I think that I have some things to fix. Cheating is not okay. I don’t think that you have to overcome that, I think you don’t deserve someone who did that. I never did that before, and I find this disgusting. And I find myself disgusting.
    I am not ready to live with you. I thought I was, but I am not. Because we didn’t spend more than two days together, and I don’t how it is going to look like if we live together.
    Also, you cannot try to break up with me during two weeks, and come back all the time. This is killing me, I am becoming insane.
    You said that you didnt want to give up even if it’s hard, because you love me. Me neither baby, but now I cannot anymore. It’s killing me. I wanted us to have fun, to go out, do things that couple does. I wish that the weekends we spent together were more often. I wish I could see you.
    Stop trying to say that I don’t love you. I fucking do. But as I always say, I am the most important person in my life, and I have to protect myself. If we see each other in Serbia all my feelings will be strong again, and then I won’t see you for months. What will I do after that ? What will you do after that ?
    Lucian. You deserve someone who is close to you, who will take care of you as you take care of her. You need somebody who didn’t cheat on you. Don’t overcome this. This is not normal.
    I love you from all my heart, still. I still do. I still have your pictures, your sweater, your necklace. I have all this. And I still have so many pictures of you in my mind, and I still hear your voice in my head.
    « Silly » « Silly » « Silly »
    We tried, we fucking tried.
    I am sorry for everything that I did wrong. And it might be inappropriate to say that now, but I LOVE YOU ! And I wish you all the best, everything. You deserve everything this world can give.
    EVERYTHING.
    You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. I hope you felt the magic in us, as I felt it. Because it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
    I love your music, Ilove your accent, I love your drawings, I love your pictures, I love the look in your eyes when you look at me, and I love your hands. I love them so much.

    I love you Lucian Turcinschi !

    Ps : I don’t want to delete you from my life, but I think that we both need some time on our own. Maybe I’ll change my mind for Serbia, but you’ll probably change your mind too. So I don’t know, we’ll see.

    Your Nina…

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